I’m overweight, acne’d, and broke.
I’m not, like, Mo’Nique-in-Phat-Gurls overweight. I’m like, the-token-heavier-girl-they-cast-on-Rock-of-Love overweight. However, what the Mo’Nique-in-Phat-Gurls level of fat translates to on an acne scale, I am that. I am totally that. I’m like BMI-30 level of acne.
Sadder than when my acne translates to Mo’Nique-in-Phat-Gurls fat is when my acne translates to Kirstie-Alley-On-OK-Magazine-Cover fat, because it keeps getting mildly better but is never good but then spirals out of control and I end up wearing sweatpants on my face, like, no parallel there, sweatpants literally on face, and then I go “on Oprah” (outside) and everyone laughs at how “fat” (pimpled) I am and then I have to use “stripper hose” (foundation) to cover myself in public, which makes people laugh harder because it barely does anything, and I just end up crying and wish I was still on “Cheers” (in 4th grade, the last time I had clear skin).
This blog is to talk about my jour… path… uh, adven… it’s about my attempt at simultaneously losing 30 pounds and clearing up my skin for good through eating all the right foods, exercising, finding the right skincare regimen, all while spending as little as possible.
Finally… here it is. I’ve tried to hide my skin from the internet for as long as linxus has linked us, but I don’t feel like it anymore. I have bad skin, guys, so get ready.
First I’ll show you what my skin would look like if it were eerily, bad-CGI-in-The-Scorpion-King level of flawless while I’m strutting down a posh runway…
and here is what it actually looks like, mirrored by my messy studio apartment and that depressingly old garbage bad.
YEAH. IT’S SHITTY! And it’s downright embarrassing, and I’d never dream of doing something like this in the past, broadcasting myself sans bare minerals, but OH MY GOD SCREW IT. Dove can lick my salycylic acid with their “Campaign-For-Real-Women-Who-Are-Not-Blonde-But-Are-Occasionally-Old-And/Or-Ethnic.” No one ever publicizes their acne until they’re in the Proactiv ad with coke under their noses and showing off their current flawless skin while the photo in question is a literal blemish on their past. Whatever. I look like this right-fucking-now.
Join me, omega-3 fatasses.